A letter from the Easter Bunny

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Dear Boys,

How is it another Easter has come upon us so fast? It just seems like such a short time ago – I was typing last  year’s letter.  You know you’re getting old when you start saying stuff like that.  Honestly, I think I am entitled, as I have been doing this for about 4oo years.  Of course, don’t let Santa know I’m whining, because he has been doing the whole Christmas deal for a lot longer, and once you get him started on about how long he has been handing out presents….he goes on and on for hours. Last IHFA (International Holiday Figure Association) meeting we had, he dipped into the Sherry a bit too much, and then proceeded to get into this huge argument with Cupid about who was the busiest and who had been around the longest.  Cupid, although very small and sweet-looking, became furious and tried to stick one of his not so nice arrows in Santa’s butt.  We managed to pull them apart and finally settled the argument by going on Wikipedia (the Leprechaun is a computer whiz).  I think Santa is still holding a bit of a grudge, he hasn’t been on Twitter at all since the meeting.

I wasn’t actually sure I would be coming to visit you this year.  I know you are all growing older and as we age we have a tendency to become more cynical and jaded.  Usually, as our IHFA bylaws go, the cut-off age for visiting children is about 10 years of age (Santa has been know to push it to 12 years of age).  You three are a special case though, especially in this day and age when kids seem to quickly lose belief in magical events.  I must say, it saddens me so, as childhood has always been such a fleeting moment in someone’s life and now, it seems to be a flash of brilliant light and then it is gone – children are so driven these days to grow up quickly.

As I said, you have presented a special and refreshing situation to us, as it seems you revel in the joys of being young.  At the last tele-meeting (travel is so costly and cumbersome these days) – I backed you guys by saying that you still had a genuine belief in Santa, in me, etc.  The other figures (especially the Leprechaun – who is so stinking grumpy anyway) – thought perhaps it was just a put on, you guys were just out for the baskets and stuff.

We settled the argument  (we sure spend a lot of time arguing at these meetings – we all need vacations – maybe some probiotics) by devising a task.  We decided we would send a spy to watch over you and your actions for several weeks, to see if you really did have the sparkle of childhood magic left in your hearts.  If the spy came back with news of bad behavior (foul language, rotten, surly attitudes, no joie de vivre) then the deal would be off and the IHFA would retire your names off the mailing list.  If the news was good, then your names would remain on our lists for another year and we would re-evaluate annually.

Can you guess who the spy was?  You know that Mourning Dove who suddenly appeared on your front porch?  Well, he is the spy.  I have to tell you, it was a logistical nightmare getting him there.  Mainly because Mourning Doves don’t like to build their own nests, they usually use other bird’s nest.  So we had to hire a Special Ops Dove to do the work.  They are trained in survival skills and can build relatively decent nests. They come at a handsome price though.

But thankfully, our spy Dove came back with encouraging news.  He states in his report, ‘The boys still seem to genuinely cherish the joys of childhood, playing outside and enjoying each other’s company. I don’t see much push to grow up.  In today’s society of bullying, aggressive children, this is a  most welcoming sight indeed.’  Oh and a side note, the spy Dove says he quite likes it on your front porch (especially the Umbrella plant and the Palm – it’s very tropical and soothing) and his wife is considering doing a permanent move to your house.

With all that being said,  Happy Easter to all three of you.  You are good boys with great and loving hearts. Be nice to one another, never lose sight of what is important in life (true friendships, family and being good people). Remember other people who aren’t as good as and as kind as you will come into your lives. They will attempt to pull you away from the things that are really significant and true.  DON’T LET THEM! Because these types of people will come and go quickly, don’t allow them to destroy what is genuine and sincere. Also, be kind to your parents, remember they too went through the angst of adolescence, and although it may seem like a long time ago, they haven’t forgotten.  They are your biggest allies and your reference guide. Keep the lines of communication open between your parents and your true friends and they will always steer you in the right direction.

Enough of the sermon.  Now for the treats.  I have made things much more difficult this year.  You will have to work for your presents.  In the garden, I have hidden 35 eggs.  Each egg has a letter on it. As a team, you will have to work together to collect all the eggs.  Once you have retrieved them, arrange the eggs correctly to spell out a phrase that will lead you to your treats. It’s kind of like Easter Bunny Wheel of Fortune sans Vanna White.  I love Wheel of Fortune – we get it on cable out here at 4 o’clock every afternoon, the whole Easter Bunny world stops for the show.  I keep saying I should go on the show, because I could so kick some bunny butt and win.  It sucks that I can’t try out, as it might taint my bunny image.  Anyway, have fun…work together and relish your childhood.

Hopefully I will see you again next year.

With fondest regards,

The Easter Bunny

14 replies »

  1. Easter, The Da Vinci Code style 😀

    And hahaha, Santa and the sherry 🙂

    (When I saw the title of your post, I got a bit freaked as I thought Easter was this coming Sunday, and I’ve bought nothing. I have another week to procrastinate, whew!)

    • Yeah, for once in my life I am actually ahead of the game. Usually I am searching the drug stores and Walmart (the dreaded, farty smelling Walmart) for plastic eggs and things to go in baskets at 10 o’clock the night before Easter. Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. Take a deep breath, you have at least another week to put off Easter basket shopping. Yay!!!!

      • Hitting up the drug stores sounds like a good idea. Not sure I have patience for the crazy Easter aisle at Walmart right now! Unless I actually went *right now* then it probably wouldn’t be so crowded. 😛

      • Make sure to get some of that crinkly plastic stuff that you put in the bottom of baskets, that stuff gets everywhere. It’s like the tinsel at Christmas, you spend the next 6 months picking it up in the strangest places in your house.
        PS. Do you actually know anyone that eats those weird marshmallow chicks? I don’t – that’s why am asking. It’s curious that they should sell those little chick things every year. If you wait long enough, those are invariably the only things left on the Easter aisle at Walmart (I know from experience).

      • Haha, whoever came up with that fake grass needs to be shot.

        We eat the peeps! Hard to resist sugar coated sugar. We also put them in the microwave for about 15 secs to watch them blow up.

      • Awesome, blowing up marshmallow chickens. Who cleans the microwave afterwards? That’s right, they are called Peeps.
        Have you ever put Gummy Bears in warm water. They swell and get really slimy. Try it!!!!

      • Creative drunks. Pinterest, most likely, making everything from sending a snack to your kid’s class to making drinks for a party over complicated.

      • How funny. Never really done any Pinterest stuff. I’m happy if I have an empty laundry basket by the end of the weekend. Then I think I have really accomplished something (and I didn’t need a glue gun to do it).

    • There really were a family of Mourning Doves that made their home on a pillar outside the front door. It was really nice having them there. We were bummed when they left. I guess they moved on to other assignments.

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