And Now For Something Completely Different

I went to the Fitness Expo in Las Vegas last weekend. My boys are heavy (I made a pun – of sorts) into bodybuilding and the Fitness Expo, along with Mr. Olympia competition, is like the mecca for which every bodybuilder must make a pilgrimage to. All the big names in bodybuilding were touted to be there. My boys, ever since they started this bodybuilding expedition about 18 months ago (see Getting the Gains), have been watching these people’s instructional videos. Mike O’Hearn, Kai Green, Bradley Martin, Kali Muscle, Stan Efferding and perhaps even Arnold Schwarzenegger (yes – the former Governor of our great state) were supposed to be there.

Now why would a slightly plump, middle-aged mother want to attend such an event? I wondered that too. But in support of my boys and all the amazing accomplishments they have made over the last year and a half, it was the least I could do to show them I was behind them 100%. So, off we went to Las Vegas. It is about a 6 hour drive from our little city here in the Central Valley of California. I can tell you it is not an exciting drive through Bakersfield, Barstow, and the Mojave Desert. Now that the boys are older and with licenses, it sure does make the trip much more tolerable as everyone can share in the driving. Every time I make that drive through some of the most inhospitable land our great country has to offer, I wonder several things. First – why would anyone want to live out there in the Mojave – there is actually a town named Mojave, and secondly what drug-induced, delusional state would one have to be in to think it was a grand idea to build a town way out in the middle of nothing (Las Vegas)? Obviously it worked, but everyone must have thought they were completely bonkers with such a vision.

Mojave desert

Las Vegas - 1965

Las Vegas – 1965

Of course my kids get a huge kick out of driving to Las Vegas, because they get to see all the landmarks that are featured in the video game, Fallout – New Vegas. They still get excited about that, and my youngest is on countdown mode until the next Fallout comes out. Last update I received was about 44 days for the release of Fallout 4 (just so you know).

Ivanpah Solar Power

Ivanpah Solar Power

Fallout - New Vegas

Fallout – New Vegas

The evening we arrived in Las Vegas we decided to eat dinner at the Heart Attack Grill. This a place that serves an 8,000 calorie hamburger. All their customers must don hospital gowns before they are seated. There is nothing diet here, I couldn’t even get a Diet Coke and when I asked the server, he seemed quite put out that I should even ask. I then timidly asked for a glass of water, which surprisingly seemed to be an okay beverage. Everything is cooked in lard and if one is brave enough to order the Quadruple Bypass Hamburger, they had better eat it all – or the customer gets spanked with a paddle. What the heck? Both my boys ordered the Triple Bypass burgers and struggled to finish them.


Hospital gowns for everyone at the Heart Attack Grill

Hospital gowns for everyone at the Heart Attack Grill

The Heart Attack Grill is in the middle of the Fremont area of Las Vegas. It is decidedly an interesting area. The traffic was unbearable and we couldn’t really figure out why, we weren’t even on the strip. But it dawned on us something was up, while waiting for a light to change, we saw two naked girls dressed only in some kind of body paint and those fluffy boa things cross the street in front of us. At first we nodded knowingly to one another – What happens in Las Vegas stay in Las Vegas. We have seen the Hangover movies, so we know how crazy things can get in Las Vegas. It wasn’t until we left the Heart Attack Grill, which happened to coincide with the end of the Las Vegas Gay and Lesbian Parade, that we understood. next morning we made our trek to the Fitness Expo. The Fitness Expo was something to behold. I have never seen so many bulging muscles, in all my life. I inadvertently forgot to charge the battery on my camera, so I am totally relying on the photos taken by my boys. The Fitness Expo was held at the Las Vegas Convention center. It turns out there was also a Tattoo Expo and a Vaping Expo going on at the same time. It made for a very interesting conglomeration of people.

I spent several hours being jostled about by massive people, all with artificially dark tans, and I guess all those muscles produce an enormous amount of heat. It was sweltering in there. People stood in lines for hours to meet their bodybuilding heroes. I never realized how huge these people really were until I got up close to them. They all had this underlying aroma of pre-workout emanating from them. I finally got fed-up and went out of the main convention area and sat on an empty shoe-shining stand to rest and wondered if people still had their shoes shined. I watched all the female bodybuilding competitors come in through the side doors with their entourage of people. I guess in the eyes of bodybuilders these people are super celebrities. They really are truly beautiful specimens of the human body.

My oldest with Kali Muscle

My oldest with Kali Muscle

The First-Aid center was right next to the Shoe-Shining stand. I went in to introduce myself and met Cyndee, the nurse on duty. We had a lovely conversation about Nurse Practitioner school (she is presently getting her Masters) and nursing in general. We talked about all the unusual injuries she has had to attend to. What an amazing and fascinating lady.

After several more hours of waiting, the boys reappeared, laden with plastic bags of t-shirts and a cooler. It turns out many of exhibitions were throwing t-shirts and products out to the throngs of crowds. I have noticed many people that are heavily into bodybuilding are not exceptionally tall. Which meant my boys, who are both well over 6 feet, especially my youngest who is probably pushing 6’6”, were able to catch most of the items being chucked out to the crowds, hence the large bags of goodies.

My youngest with Mike O'Hearn

My youngest with Mike O’Hearn

We then made the unbearable walk back to our car in the blazing desert heat. I was exhausted and hot and thirsty and verging on grumpiness. No rest for the weary though, as my dear old Dad says, because we were on our way to meet Kai Green, who was having a “meet and greet” at the City Athletic Club. That in and of itself is worthy of another post. Stay tuned.

Photo credits:

Mojave Desert –

Heart Attack Grill –

Las Vegas – vintagelasvegas.tumblr

13 replies »

  1. Wow this was a great post. That Heart Attack Grill sounds my kind of place although I am useless in the heat. It sounds like you all had a brilliant time, and your boys got to meet some of their heroes as well as get some goodies as well. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Hi my friend!!! How are you!!! Yes, the Heart Attack Grill was definitely an interesting place. There was so much food. I have to say I have never seen my boys struggle to finish a meal, but they were bound and determined for fear of being spanked!

  2. It sounds like you had a great time and your sons both look impressively strong!

    By the way, I have heard of the heart attack grill before but I’m not sure that I really need to visit it myself. Basically, whenever I go out with my wife and kids to any kind of restaurant, cafe or burger joint, looking at the check comes with a definite risk of heart failure.

    • Hahaha. I am right there with on that the size of the checks. I will pass your remark about the looking strong on to the boys. They will get a big kick out of that. Yes, the Heart Attack Grill almost did me in, I felt like I had a 20 pound weight jostling around in my stomach after that – and I went for the wimpy burger. My boys are into buying the most expensive meats which includes Bison and lots of sushi. They think nothing of blowing $80 at lunch for sushi (for 2 of them) – talk about major heart failure. Something about obtaining appropriate amounts of macronutrients and all that other stuff (and their poor mother ending up in the poor house in the process).

      • Unfortunately, I think your sons might pass out if they saw my regular diet. I doubt I have the appropriate amount of micronutrients in my doughnuts and coffee. It is good they think about eating properly, though, even if it is on the expensive side. 🙂

  3. Your lads are big and strong, SD. As is your heart, as long as you stay away from the multiple-Bypass burgers at that joint. Oh, my! I might try the double, if I went through all the trouble of pulling on a hospital gown, anyway. Thanks for the tour of Vegas. I’ve never been. 🙂

    • Las Vegas is a funny kind of place. It is so glittery and shiny at night, but during the day it seems kind sad and downtrodden. You should go for your next family reunion!!!! Everyone should go once.

      • Oh, the family has to pick a place with a high outdoor adventure element. I don’t think Vegas fits that need, SD. Maybe someday for my dear wife Karen and I. She’s talked of it.

  4. Those gay pride parades…always holding up traffic. 🙂 What a sight that must have been… I’ve never seen that the times we are in Vegas. Now I feel a huge let down… We may as well go when there’s the huge adult entertainment expo too. 🙂

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