A most alarming epidemic is unfolding and I am not sure what to do about it. But I am so frustrated about it, I want to scream. I see its ugly head popping up everywhere I go, even at work. Throngs of glassy-eyed people, wandering around with their heads down, one arm held up, and staring intently at a little tiny rectangular object in their hands. I am tired of dodging these people. I am tired of their unfounded assumptions that I will move out of the way of them, so they can bumble along, not looking where they are going.
Of course, I am talking about the cell-phone staring walkers, or maybe I should call them CP Zombies (Cell Phone Zombies). I have to avoid them in the stores, on the roads and in the hallways of the hospital. I have seen these CP Zombies accidentally walk off curbs, trip down stairs and walk into traffic. I have even seen it in the gym – people will monopolize a piece of equipment while staring at their phone. These people are not attuned to their surroundings and just amble along slowly (or sit – in the case of the gym-goers), not paying attention. I think this might really become, or perhaps it already has, become a public safety issue. (Below is a couple of articles to support my point)
Is anyone else concerned about this? And what exactly is it these CP Zombies are so intently studying?
I do not know.
I must devise a weapon. At first I thought I would design some kind of zapper that would blast it out of their hands. But then I thought that might incur the wrath of a multitude of people, and maybe have legal ramifications, or maybe I would get clobbered by angry CP Zombies. Then I had visions of angry CP Zombies chasing after me with their phones held high in one hand, screaming obscenities at me. Then I decided I would come up with something not quite so obvious. Or have some kind of weapon that sent a net out and grabbed the phone out of their hands, like Spiderman with his web, but that might result in a throng of CP Zombies chasing after me as well. Perhaps an application that sent out a signal to interrupt their internet connection. But then I would be no better than the CP Zombies, because I would constantly be looking down at my phone, trying to find the app, in order to blast the CP Zombies back to reality. So, that’s not going to work either.
I decided the best thing is a clicker. An Anti-CP Zombie Clicker. Something small enough to be kept in a pocket, or perhaps on a key chain. This clicker would emit a tiny electromagnetic pulse that would momentarily disarm the CP Zombie’s phone, long enough for them to look up and see where they are going. I think this might actually work. I need to go away and ponder this a bit more. If anyone has any input or design ideas, please comment below.
Something has to be done though, I cannot take this any longer!
Categories: Modern Living
You seriously think this is the most important problem?
No. Absolutely not!. But the injuries from distracted walkers are increasing exponentially. It was meant to be humorous, but apparently, I failed.
I was tracking you 😉 (I heard a commercial on the radio a couple of times recently, that had the same “tone” as your post, so I got it right away.)
Thank-you DM!!! Did it come off as a bad “tone”? It was just meant to be a silly post – but actually after doing some research, this texting-walking thing is becoming quite an issue. I read somewhere today, there have been tens of thousands of visits to ERs in the last year, because of injuries while text-waking and 4300 deaths. They are padding lampposts in London (according to one article) and China is creating special cell phone walking lanes. Maybe we should be kind of concerned. Thanks for the support!!!!
It WAS funny!
Hahahahaha. I enjoyed that. The moreso because its so true. I think you should stand upwind and spray them with essence of skunk. They’ll never know its you because they’re too intent on looking at their phones. Remember by doing this you are offering a public service. Fewer accidents.
I think the essence of skunk is a brilliant idea, but what about those I have to dodge inside buildings, where there is no wind. Perhaps maybe a delayed response odor of some type that only activates when going outside. Hmmm…I must think about this.
Totally with you. But all these idiots will get their comeuppance with significant neck problems in about 10 years time- Good posture will be the new black!
Yes I have heard injury to the neck from looking at a phone in your had all day long is becoming quite an issue as well.
Hee hee 😀
What a great invention you’ve come up with, SD. Ha. I know I’d buy the device … maybe even invest in it. I feel the same way, and in fact, wrote my own post about this some time ago. It’s maddening and perplexing all at the same time.
I did actually see your post last year, but had completely forgotten. I hope you don’t think I cheated and took your idea. I made all the people I work with read this post, because I told them I wrote it about them. Maybe a little of it will sink in. I asked what they are looking at, they said Twitter, Instagram, etc. I have seen all those sites and can’t remember anything that was fascinating enough to risk bodily harm.
No worries about my post. I totally agree. Twitter? Instagram? Get into the real world zombie people. 😛
Don’t you dare force me to walk through a parking lot without my phone…and to hold my kids’ hands!
Ha-ha. I just got this. At first I was like is she mad about this post? But then I figured it out, you were being facetious – I have seen Moms dragging their kids through a parking lot, across streets while staring at their telephones. You are so right!!!!!
Haha no!!! I’m always exercising my dry sense of humor. If someone did make me mad, I’d just close the browser tab most likely 😄
Oh good!!! I enjoy a dry sense of humor once I figure it out!!!!
Thank-you so much for the mention!!!!
Oh, yes, SD. It is a rash of ignorance. Now as a big box cashier, I must deal with those in your stampede of well-coined CP Zombies who deem it more necessary to concentrate on their gadget instead of the giving the attention needed to get through the exchange with respect and needed communication. And smile through it, I must.
Ahh to be in the customer-service line of work. I deal with this in the clinic. I can’t imagine how any parent can justify a text to be more important than their child’s visit to the a subspecialty clinic. But I have discovered if I go cheerfully into the room and just start talking away, they usually look up. If they don’t, I just talk to their child, who is undoubtedly more interesting to talk to anyway!!!
Trains are killing a lot of cell phone zombies
I thought the tone was pretty clearly tongue-in-cheek myself, particularly with the humorous drawing at the end. I guess it might have been easy for someone to miss that, though, if they were reading your post on their cell phone while walking down a busy street or driving.
Good point! I hadn’t thought of that.
Haha gosh people are actually being diagnosed now with smartphone neck from looking down too much and smartphone finger where their little finger is indented from resting their phone on it! Crazy!
That is nuts!!!!
Well, then I am glad I only have a Go-phone, because I never look at it, so I shall never be cursed with these maladies.
Have you read Steven King’s Cell?
Yes I have but had totally forgotten about it. How are you? Are your flamingos holding up through the winter?
My flamingos are doing just fine. They like knowing this weekend is going to be warmer. I am doing well knowing that too.
Oh I am glad it will be warming up out there for you and the flamingos. It has been unseasonably warm here, all the fruit trees are in full bloom. It is making us a bit nervous, wondering if our rainy season has come to an abrupt end.
I hope you continue to get rain.
Ha! I’m such an old relic, I only got my first smart phone last week and it’s already broken and has to be returned. So, I’ve returned from the dark side back to my ‘dumb’ phone. Because it’s a dumb phone, it’s virtually impossible to do anything and use it at the same time and I don’t get constant updates reminding me that there must be something interesting, like a cat meme, popping up to interrupt my lunch. It’s an odd phenomenon. I wonder if it will go out of fashion eventually.
I have a go-phone, a very cheap smart phone. I really hate phones – I leave mine at home all the time, because I figured if we survived without having a phone in our back pockets for years and years, it must still be possible to live without one. Of course, there are no pay phones anymore – so I suppose I should carry my phone. But I don’t like to because most of the time I don’t like to easily contacted. Nor do I want to know what is going on in the world every second of the day. So I guess I am an old relic as well.
Yes, yes, yes. I don’t even HAVE one.
What? I wouldn’t have one if I didn’t have to pull call. I hate phones. I hate talking on phones, I hate that the phones ring, and people expect you to answer them. I guess I am just completely anti-social and grumpy!
No, I understand!
There are payphones! I don’t use them often but they do exist. I have to admit that I almost never answer my phone. People can reach my by email and I will read email when I feel like sitting at my computer.
Addictive behavior will always be with us, although the effects of over-reliance on cyber-space for interpersonal relationships has caused some unfortunate ramifications. My cell phone is not smart, on purpose.
And I choose not to carry it at times, too. Really–it’s okay. Nobody’s going to call me in to perform and emergency cardiac surgery. 🙂
I am with you on this one. I purposely leave my phone at home. it drives my family crazy when they can’t get in touch me. But I feel so free and unencumbered without my phone. I read yesterday, at a cathedral in England they had to move this statues of two hands clasping, because people kept walking into it while texting. It’s mind-boggling. What’s the world coming to, walking lanes for texters, moving statues, will they be padding the corners of buildings next?
Your post gives me an idea! What if we carried DOG CLICKERS – the kind used for training – and just click it at the oblivious people walking toward us?! I find I’ve been playing “chicken” with people on the sidewalk; I stay on the right where I belong and say nothing as the zombie approaches, usually in the center of The sidewalk and/or directly in my path. I’m prepared to let them walk right into me if necessary. I refuse to *help* them!
Yes – a dog clicker – brilliant. I have tried the chicken thing, but then they get mad and tell ME I need to look where I am going. What the heck?