March 1, 2016

Dear Easter Bunny,

Just wanted to let you know, it probably isn’t necessary to stop by our house this Easter. Please take our house off your list of places to deliver baskets.  It saddens me to say this, but I think the boys are growing up, and they have lost that luster of excitement for Easter and Easter egg hunts and all the things Easter brings.

I am very sorry about this. I think I will probably miss you more than they do.

S.D. Gates

March 5, 2016

Dear S.D.

I knew this time would come. It is with a heavy heart that I read this letter from you.  The boys have grown up well, they are becoming fine adults. They have such a joy of life.  It does make me happy to see this.  I am so proud of everything they have accomplished, how far they have come, especially in their determination to get in shape, take control of their destinies, and their plans they have for the future.

S.D., I will especially miss our last minute conversations about our plans for the Easter baskets, and the egg hunts. I will never forget the time when I couldn’t get enough bunnies to help me with the deliveries and I hired on the ducks from the lake down the street from your house.  Do you remember that?  I shook my fluffy white head in total disbelief at how that Easter turned out.

Are you absolutely sure about this? Do you really think they are ready to give up on me?  Granted, they know that you do the majority of the work, but do you think they are really ready to give the Easter Bunny up?

Think about it.

The Easter Bunny

March 12, 2016

Dear Easter Bunny,

Oh, I do remember that. You were having labor issues, not enough bunnies to make all the deliveries.  I must admit I was a bit shocked to find out you outsourced the deliveries.  I had no idea.  But it does seem to be the way things are done now.  I remember the boys were fascinated you had hired ducks, and although you may have thought that Easter went disastrously, I think the boys got a big kick out of finding all their Easter baskets and surprises on floaties in the pool. What was it you said – If you want something properly, do not hire ducks to do it.  I still chuckle about that.

Funny thing is we still have ducks landing in our pool right around Easter time. I don’t know if we are like a tourist attraction for the ducks, you know, this is the pool where the ducks delivered the Easter baskets that one year, and all the ducks stop by just to see.  I actually took a photo of one of the ducks that came to visit last year.  He was quite taken aback when he found our Great Dane there to welcome him.  I have enclosed the photo for you.

Mikey and the Duck

Those were definitely great times. I will miss that look on the boys’ faces, the glimmer of glee in their eyes, on Easter morning.  They really never knew what to expect, or where their baskets might be.

This makes me sad, Easter Bunny, it really does.

S.D. Gates

March 17, 2016

Dear S.D.,

A duck tourist attraction?! That is hilarious.  Ducks puzzle me; they really are quite ungainly, waddling around.  But they can fly, which has always been a dream of mine, to fly that is. Hopping becomes quite tiresome at times.

We have certainly had some issues through the years. Remember when the boys became teenagers and the IHFA (International Holiday Figures Association) wanted to take their names off the list?  We had to send the Mourning Dove spies over to your house to see if the boys still had the spirt of childhood left in them.  Of course, the news was good, the boys still cherished childhood and they weren’t simply pretending they believed in the Easter Bunny just to score some Easter baskets.

That was the year Santa became embroiled in this huge argument with Cupid about who had been around the longest. Cupid became so irritated with Santa, he poked him in the butt with one of his arrows (and not in a nice Cupid way).  That annual meeting was total chaos.  Santa pouted for months after that.

I think you actually did a blog post about that last year (A Letter From The Easter Bunny). By the way, I do follow your blog, I especially liked the fact that you posted my letter.

Perhaps you could do one more Easter, maybe just for us. It does seem a shame to end such a wonderful relationship.

The Easter Bunny

March 21, 2016

Dear Easter Bunny,

That still cracks me up, the IHFA conventions. What is it like to sit around with Santa, Cupid, and all those other guys?  Boy, I bet you guys have some great stories to tell.  I found a letter you had written to the boys back in 2009.  That was the year a Task Force was created to determine if the boys were really worthy of receiving Easter baskets.  The Task Force thought the boys were too old and you told them to “think outside the basket”.  Easter Bunny humor – you gotta love it.

2009 was also the year you had an Easter egg shortage and you sent me to Walmart on Saturday night to find empty plastic Easter Eggs. That was awful.  You know how much I hate Walmart.  It smells weird in there. I came back with a pathetic assortment of eggs, the cheesy clear plastic ones and some kind of Jurassic Park dinosaur eggs.  That was the year we couldn’t find Easter baskets so you left Starbucks paper bags and said something about recycling and reducing your carbon footprint (or paw print) – more bunny humor.  And I allowed you to hide the eggs in the flower beds but threatened to “kick your hairy white butt” if one plant was stepped on or crushed.  Luckily, none of my plants were damaged, which was good for my plants and your butt!

You left a particularly good letter that year – I especially like the following quote, when you wrote about what the boys should be responsible for:

Growing up to be good people. Which means being kind to others, not insulting anyone (there are enough mean and ill-behaved people in the world today – I keep having flashbacks to the Medieval times, but now we have electronics, which in my opinion are almost as deadly as spears and arrows) and helping others that are not as fortunate as you (that includes not only the worldly goods but also intelligence, looks, personality, humor – that type of thing).

I really thought that was good advice.

The boys have always said Easter is their favorite holiday (better than Christmas). Don’t tell Santa, please, he might pout for another 6 months.

Perhaps you are right. Maybe we could do one more year of Easter.  A final hurrah or something like that.

S.D. Gates

March 25, 2016

Dear S.D.

I am so glad you are reconsidering. I think we could pull it off.  Of course with the boys’ focus on healthy living (I read “Getting the Gains” post), we probably don’t want to include chocolate bunnies and Pez dispensers this year.  Have you considered gift cards for pre-work out drinks (horrid stuff – I don’t know how they stomach that – personally, a good carrot would be all I would need to increase my vim and vigor before a workout).  Maybe instead of hiding everything in plastic eggs, we could use plastic water bottles (I hear you have a surplus).

Well, let me know what you decide. We don’t have much time to waste, so please don’t dilly-dally.

I wait with bated breath for your decision.

The Easter Bunny