This is the third installment in the A-Z Survival Guide to Life I am writing for my boys. It covers little tidbits of information that I have discovered over the years of being an adult, that make life a little easier.

The A-Z Survival Guide to Life

C – Complaining

I thought a great deal about this post. There are so many subjects that start with the letter “C” which need to be discussed.  I considered Cooking, Cleaning, and Cars just to name a few.  But I think Complaining is something parents might forget to talk to their kids about.

There are many types of complaining – the majority of which are all very annoying. Remember when we talked about “The Downer” and The “Angry Person” in A- Annoying People?  Both of them complain.  Both of these types of people are quite negative in their outlook and honestly just truly painful to be around.  You do not want to become either of these types – and one way to minimize that possibility is to keep your complaining to yourself.  I will cover the most irritating types of complaining.

Bodily complaints

When you have a cold, with the runny nose, the congestion, the coughing and just generally feeling horrible, no amount of half-hourly snot updates to anyone that lives with you, will decrease the course of the illness. Nobody wants to hear about your nasal mucous velocity, or what color and consistency your expectorated phlegm is. An upper respiratory infection (which is what a cold is) will last approximately 7-10 days.  And don’t go running off to your Primary Care Doctor, and complain to them, because if they know what they are doing, they will not give you anything to shorten the duration of your illness. Antibiotics will not cure the common cold.  Now a good pot of homemade chicken noodle soup has been scientifically proven to treat colds. I will give you the recipe.

This applies to the stomach flu, or gastroenteritis as well. I cannot think of anything more disgusting than having a blow by blow accounting of what is being forcefully expelled from either your top end or your bottom end. Again, this will have to run its course.  All I can tell you – is stay hydrated and kindly wash your hands so those around you don’t have to share in your misery.

Chore Complaints

Chores, everybody has to do them – unless you are the Queen of England. You have to share in the chores in the household, if you are living with someone, a roommate, or a wife.  If you live by yourself, joy of joys, you get to do all the chores, just you and only you.  At some point, you are going to think you do a large majority of the chores, if you share a house with someone.  Don’t complain about it.  Complaining about the chores will not get them done, and in fact it will only make them more miserable.  If you don’t like the way someone is doing the chores, don’t complain about it, because that will make the person attempting to pitch in, feel less inclined to do anything.

Just get your chores done early in the day, that way it is not looming over your head at the end of the day. Do the ones you hate most first, that way the rest of the chores won’t seem so miserable.

I know I have done my fair share of complaining about doing all the chores, and I have even gone so far as to go on strike completely (which only lasted a day or two). But you see how far my complaining got me.  Absolutely nowhere.

Work Complaints

Complaining about work to people who do not work with you, such as your spouse or roommate is not kind. We have all learned from experience that the constant droning on about what one’s boss did, and how stupid they are, and how they shouldn’t be employed in a certain industry is just pure torture.  Nobody needs to hear incessant complaining about this.  If you have an issue with the people you work with (this is assuming someday you are gainfully employed – I am hoping this will be sooner than later) perhaps it would be wise to speak directly with the people involved and not drag those not directly associated with your place of employment into the mix.

On the other hand, you don’t want to complain too much at work either. If you do, you may be labeled as a non-team player, a person who isn’t willing to pitch in, carry their weight, or go above and beyond what is expected of them.  Tread carefully here, it is a very fine line.  And if you do complain at work, make sure you know and trust who you are complaining to, because your complaints may come back and bite you in the  a** when you least expect it.

Spouse/Girlfriend Complaints

Complaining about one’s girlfriend, spouse or significant other is just a No-No. Don’t do it.  If the person you have chosen to spend a majority of your time with is that annoying, and frustrates you that much, perhaps they are not the right person for you.  Everyone has their little idiosyncrasies and if you find yourself intolerant of them, their flaws and annoying habits in no way seem quirky or endearing, and you feel you have to unload your miseries onto your friends – it is time to move on.  And just remember – they could be saying very similar things about you to their friends.

Consumer complaints

In my estimation – this has just become a big waste of time. Corporations nowadays do not care about the consumer, and unless you think you have a chance in hell of getting anywhere, don’t pursue or file a complaint with a company.  Because, honestly most companies are like honey badgers – they just don’t give a sh*t.  I have filed complaints for various things with the Federal Trade Commission, the Better Business Bureau, multiple Congressmen, and nothing has ever happened.  The only time I have gotten anywhere is with AT&T, and that is only because I had more endurance than the Customer Service people (and I am pretty sure I am on some list that says “Give her anything just so she will go away).

Those are the most important type of complaints I can come up with right now. I am sure I will think of more when I clamber into bed tonight, and then I will spend the rest of the night ruminating about how I didn’t include them in this post.