A-Z Survival Guide to Life

H – Horror Movies

This is the eighth installment in the A-Z Survival Guide to Life I am writing for my boys (I am finally getting caught up).

This may seem like a strange title for a post, but there is a great deal to be learned from horror films that can be applied to many aspects of your life. And we have seen some horror movies over the years.

Just because you don’t believe in something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist – There are so many things in this world that we don’t understand. Keep an open mind!

Don’t go to an abandoned house to party with your friends. – There are so many things that could go wrong. You could fall through the floor boards, there could be a serial killer lurking in the shadows, and there could be poisonous spiders weaving their webs in dark corners.  Your gut instinct should kick in, and tell you this is a really bad idea on so many levels.  I recommend finding some new friends that don’t mind partying in safe, well-lit venues.

When your car breaks down on a dark deserted road, stay in the car – Do not leave your car. Lock the windows, lock the doors and keep a vigilant eye out for any strange people walking, running or flying towards the car. It is never a good idea to leave the safe confines of your car, and go ambling off down a dark road, looking for a completely uninviting house with burnt out cars and chains hanging from the thick branches of trees.

Do not try and escape by running up the stairs – Never, ever run up. Attempt a lateral escape.  Going down to the basement is a really bad idea as well.  Stay on the main floor of the house, your chances of finding an open door, or a window that you can actually exit safely out of (and not plummet out of a multi-story house) are probably higher.

Never drop the weapon – You may think you have killed the monster, or the deranged killer, but don’t count on it. They always come back, revive.  Be prepared and remain armed.

If there is an apocalyptic event, get out of the city – Pack up the dogs, as much water as you carry, all the canned and dried food (and the dog food), blankets, change of clothes, sensible shoes, a lighter (for fires) and the first aid kit.  Take two cars (Mikey, the Great Dane takes up the whole backseat), fill the gas tanks and leave the city as fast as you can.  Do not stop until you are out of the city.  Go towards the mountains.  Do not look back!!!

Always own a dog, a large dog – Out of all the horror movies we have watched over the years, the majority of the hapless victims did not own dogs. And what I have always said while watching these films – “You know what they need – a NuNu.” (NuNu was the boys’ nickname for their first Great Dane – Newman).  There is no way a serial killer, a zombie or any other monstrous villain would have made it past Newman. Unfortunately a person would a gun would have, so avoid people brandishing guns.

Never meddle in the occult or things that defy explanation – Again there are so many things we don’t understand about the powerful forces that reside around us. Remember when we lived in that house in Phoenix.  The one that had all those mirrors in the bathroom (it was like the dressing room from hell, because there was no way of avoiding see an uncomplimentary reflection of yourself) and you guys thought it would be a good idea to do the “Bloody Mary” thing, but then you chickened out.  Smart boys!  If someone tells you that some evil monster is going to come out and get you if you do a series of tasks, why on earth would you do it?  Simply to find out if it was true?  Why?  Just stay away from those things. No good can come from it.

Never live by, on or anywhere near a cemetery, or a former cemetery – It is just a bad idea. Remember the original “Poltergeist”, when all the coffins started coming up to the surface. Avoid going into or driving by a cemetery at night.   And if you absolutely have to (drive past a cemetery at night), don’t stop to help any ladies dressed in long, white, flowing nightgowns that might be walking on a road near a cemetery at night.

If you hear a strange noise in the house – Do not go in search of the origin of the noise, down poorly lit hallways. If you can’t help yourself, and you have to found out what the noise is, don’t go alone.  Take a companion, take two companions or more. And don’t announce that you are searching for the originator of this noise, by going “Hello, is anyone there?  Jeff, is that you?”

If you go and visit a friend, and the door of the house is slightly ajar – Don’t go in. Call them on your cell phone first.

If you know a monstrous person resides at a certain place – Don’t go in to explore while he/she is away. Here I am thinking of the “Jeepers Creepers” movies.  This is such a bad idea in so many ways.  Go to a place of safety and call the police.  Let them go and find out what is in the cavernous storage area down the well.

If you see an unusually large flock of birds or animals going in the same direction, in a hurry – Pay attention. Something might be up.

If you ever bump into a Vampire whose skin sparkles in the sun – Will you please call me and let me know? I’d really like to see that.

I am sure there are a million other things we can take from horror movies but the bottom line is – If you are about to do something that seems like a really bad idea, don’t do it.  Please refer to G – Gut Instinct for further guidance in this area.

Photo credit – fineartamerica.com